Mother Lucy
by AuraAuthor
Summary: Lucy has been in Alexandria for a week or so and her world has changed, maybe not for the better. This is the third story in the Lucy series and I highly recommend reading "Lucy and Coach" first, then "Lucy Meets a New Hero" before you start this story. Thanks AA
1. Chapter 1

Mother Lucy

By AuraAuthor

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Chapter 1 A Visit from Wilbur

It had been just over a week since Rick and Michonne had brought Lucy back to Alexandria. Just over a week since Carl had tried to slit her throat and just over a week since she had moved out of the cold damp jail cell and into the house with Rick, Michonne, and Carl. They had introduced her to Judith and for the first time in over a year she had a glimmer of hope as she watched Rick with his little girl.

It was her turn to make breakfast this morning and had planned to feed the five of them plus Carol, Daryl, Enid, and Maggie. She rose from her makeshift pallet on the floor in one of the bedrooms when the sun came up and dressed for the day in a thin pale blue button up and a pair of torn jeans that Maggie brought her. She slipped on her tennis shoes without socks before heading downstairs to start breakfast.

She had biscuits in the oven and a platter of scrambled eggs almost ready by the time Carl came downstairs with Judith on his hip. "Morning Lucy," he said and Judith cooed at her.

"Morning Wilbur," she said with a chuckle. "Biscuits and eggs for breakfast. There isn't any salted pork left so a hunting party may need to go out soon."

"Dad was planning that I think. Negan will be here in a week or so anyway so we need to stock up our stores anyway."

Lucy froze at the mention of Negan, but Carl didn't seem to notice. He placed Judith in her high chair and put some dry cereal on her plate. "How often does he come?" she asked quietly.

Carl stood quietly for a moment. "Every month or so. Sooner if he thinks we need to be reminded of his presence."

"Carl?"

"Yes Lucy?"

"Why hasn't someone killed him?"

Carl paused and turned to face her. "It hasn't been for lack of trying."

"I assumed as much."

The room was silent again except for the sizzle of eggs being scrambled in the frying pan. "Why did you go with him Lucy?"

She sighed before leaning against the counter and facing him. "I didn't know who he was Carl."

"Damn this room feels serious," Michonne said from the stair case. "Lighten up will you two."

"I smell biscuits," Carol said from the doorway. She held a basket that had jars of honey and homemade jam inside. "I hoped that this might be an option one day when someone came along that could make decent biscuits."

"I don't know about decent," Lucy said. "But they'll eat I guess."

Soon the group was gathered around the table and the large island in the kitchen. "We out of pork?" Rick asked from the table where he sat next to Judith feeding her bits of egg and biscuit along with her dry cereal.

Carl glanced at Lucy, but she didn't speak up. "Yeah… um, Lucy thinks it's a good idea to get a hunting party together."

"Lucy thinks," Daryl said with a snort. "Why the hell do we care what Lucy thinks?"

Rick glared at Daryl over the table. "It's a good idea Lucy," he said. "Especially since Negan will be coming soon. We need to stock up and any wild game we can cure will be beneficial."

"Do you hide stuff from them?" Lucy asked from her seat next to Carl at the island.

No one answered immediately and the sudden tension in the room was thick. "So you can ask questions but we can't?" Rick said finally.

"Sorry," Lucy mumbled and went back to picking at her biscuit.

The room was silent again, until Carol spoke up. "We hide somethings. I won't tell you where but we try to put back a quarter of what we scavenge and make for a rainy day. They haven't noticed yet and if they do someone will die, but we have hope that they won't figure out what we are doing."

Lucy nodded, but didn't speak again. "Dad?"

"Yeah Carl?"

"Enid and I want to talk Lucy out to the orchard to pick apples and plums today."

Rick nodded. "I don't think it would be a problem. If she does anything stupid you have my permission to shoot her."

Lucy chuckled at his comment, but stopped at the glare from Rick. "I'm serious Lucy. Don't try anything or they'll kill you. I'm going to take a group out to the woods for game this morning. Tara and Rosita should be back today from their run and hopefully they found some good stuff. If you three go pick apples and plums then we should be set for his arrival next week."

"What about me?" Lucy asked with a sudden panic in her voice.

"What about you?" Rick responded.

"He… he can't know I'm here!"

"He won't. He only comes just within the gates. But all the same you'll stay hidden at the back of the community while he's here."

Lucy nodded. "Carl, if you and Enid help me do dishes we can leave quicker."

Carl nodded and helped Enid clear the table. "We'll bring Judith too," Enid said. "You can wear her on your back Lucy. She'll be a natural deterrent to keep you from running away."

"Yeah because no one would want to be stuck in the wilderness with one of her shitty diapers on their back. You wouldn't get attacked by walkers for sure," Carl said with a laugh.

Lucy smiled. "Shitty diaper or not, Judith is precious and I don't mind wearing her on my back at all."

"We'll see once she poops," Carl said to Enid with a smirk.

"I'll have you know young man that before all of this end of the world business occurred I dealt with many a disgusting mess and lived to tell the tale. You haven't lived until you're patching up a drunken sailor from a bar fight and they vomit all over your scrubs!"

"Were you a doctor?" Carol asked quietly and Lucy realized she had made a mistake.

Lucy swallowed hard. "Something like that," was all she replied before she turned to fill the sink with hot water.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Just a kid

Lucy followed Carl and Enid along the dirt path that led to the apple and plum trees. "I wish the climate was good enough for bananas," Enid said. "They just don't grow well here though."

"Maybe we could create a green house or something?" Lucy said. "We would need to find some large plastic wrapping to cover the structure but one of the other camps I lived in had a couple where they grew bananas, oranges, and summer vegetables in the winter."

"That's a good idea," Carl added. "Do you think you could draw up a sketch or something for us to go by?"

"I'm sure I could," Lucy responded and Judith cooed from her place on Lucy's back. "Is the orchard large?"

"No," Enid said slowing down to walk beside Lucy instead of in front of her. "There are four or five apple trees and three plum trees. We saved some seeds to plant more, but it's not the right time."

"When do you plant them?"

"They are supposed to be planted in the fall, at least that's what Carol says," Enid shrugged. "Carol knows a lot so I believe she knows about planting seasons."

Lucy nodded. "I don't have a green thumb at all. I couldn't even keep a cactus alive so I sure am not going to argue about appropriate planting seasons."

Enid laughed. "What are you to hens squawking about back there?" Carl called from ahead of them.

"You better watch your tongue boy," Lucy said with a laugh. "You may think you're grown, but you are still just a kid."

Carl frowned at her. "You don't get to be a kid for long these days Lucy."

Lucy regarded him carefully. "I know Carl. But you two can be normal kids when you're with me, right?"

Carl grinned. "Define normal?"

"I don't know, why you don't chase each other around the trees. Just be careful."

Carl smirked at Enid. "Oh I'll chase her alright."

He took off running and Enid squealed before running away from him into the cover of the trees. Lucy giggled and Judith giggled from behind her. "What do you think kiddo? Just two big ole babies chasing each other through the orchard?"

Judith clapped her hands. "Apple!" she yelled out.

"Apples," Lucy agreed walking over to the first tree and picking up some of the fruit from the ground. She examined them closely and to ensure they weren't rotten before slipping them into the bag she had brought to hold what they gathered.

Lucy watched Carl and Enid chase each other and flirt with one another as teenage children were supposed to do. "I think Carl likes Enid Judith. What do you think?"

"Car!" Judith shouted and clapped her hands. "Nid!"

Lucy giggled. "That's right Carl and Enid, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"We can hear you!" Carl shouted from the other side of a plum tree which caused Lucy to laugh out loud.

Lucy continued gathering apples from the ground and was pleased when Enid brought over a handful of plums. "These are pretty ripe, but I think they can be made into jelly or something."

"I'm sure Carol can make something out of them," Lucy said with a grin.

Enid walked back over to Carl and Lucy was pleasantly surprised to see them holding hands. It was such a sweet gesture that it both made her smile and ache for young love.

 _"Hey Lucy!" Negan shouted from outside the shack._

 _"Damn Coach don't be so loud! Are you trying to draw creepers?"_

 _"Come see what I found," he said with a wide grin that seemed more genuine than any smile he had given her before._

 _She grabbed her machete and pulled the door to the shack closed behind her as she wandered towards his voice. "You are such an idiot," she muttered to herself. "You are feeling something and that is the complete opposite of sticking to rule number one."_

 _"Do you talk to yourself often?" he asked with a sarcastic tone._

 _"When you've only had yourself for company you do what you need to keep from going crazy."_

 _He grinned at her again. "I'm glad you grabbed your machete, but I don't think you are going to need it where we are going."_

 _"It's to protect me from you Coach," she mumbled._

 _He looked hurt by that statement. "I… okay," was all he said._

 _"Why aren't you toting your bat?"  
"Don't need it," he muttered pushing through some underbrush._

 _The bushes opened up to a small stream that was crystal clear. "Wow," she said softly. "This is beautiful."_

 _"Yeah, the world may have gone to shit, but there are still great things out there that haven't been discovered yet."_

 _He glanced at her and for the first time since lunch she made genuine eye contact with him. "I wish I had more water bottles to fill," she said with a shrug._

 _"I thought we could at least wash off," he said with a grin. "I mean I don't know about you but I am fucking filthy and need a bath."_

 _"Can you take a bath in a stream Coach? It's not the warm baths or showers you are used too."_

 _"Don't make me regret showing you this smart ass."_

 _"I think you showed me because you are hoping to see my ass."_

 _He grinned. "I wouldn't complain if you showed it to me, but I just really thought you might like to clean up decently."_

 _"Getting sick of the smell?"_

 _He glared at her. "Take a bath, I'll keep watch… smart ass."_

 _She watched him walk away and sit down beneath a tree with his back to the stream. She watched him for a moment and then stared at the water. The need to feel clean won out over her rules for the first time in a long time. She stripped out of her clothes and stacked them neatly on a rock before she slipped into the shallow stream._

 _The water was freezing but she didn't really care. She wished she had her soap to really clean her hair and body but she would just have to make do with the running water. She lay back in the water and washed her long dirty blond hair not once, but twice until it didn't feel dirty anymore. She took her time soaking in the water and was turning to head back towards the bank when she noticed Coach leaning against the tree watching her._

 _"Just wanted me to have a chance to get clean huh?"_

 _He smirked at her and held her clothes up in his hand. "Can you blame me? Besides you would have come straight out of the water and put on these clothes and then you would have been stuck in damp clothing for the rest the day. At least this way you know I've seen everything and you can air dry before you get dressed."_

 _"That is the sound reasoning of a voyeur."_

 _"Or a man who is attracted to the woman he's hanging around with."_

 _"Or a man who is hard up and hasn't had any in a while and is attracted to the first thing with a vagina he finds."_

 _He laughed. "Lucy, Lucy, Lucy," he shook his head as he straightened up from the tree. "I'm not hard up for anything involving a woman. Never have been. If I say I want to fuck you because I'm attracted to you I mean it just like that, not because I'm looking for someplace to stick my dick."_

 _She watched him for a moment and was appalled at the tingle she felt between her legs. She was hard up for sure and hadn't had sex in years, but there was no way she was going to let that happen with this complete stranger. She did have some standards. "To bad Coach."_

 _"What?"_

 _"I have an excellent place you can stick your dick, but another rule is no sex without a bed or at the very least a back seat."_

 _"My princess has standards, well that's a fucking relief."_

 _"Why do you say that?"_

 _"I'm getting kind of old to rut around on the hard forest floor. Now, don't get me wrong Lucy if you were willing I would make us a pallet out of pine straw and fuck you into oblivion, but I prefer a bed as well."_

 _Lucy suddenly realized she was standing in a shallow stream completely naked having a conversation about being fucked by a strange man and all her confidence left her. "Um… Coach… can… can I have my clothes now?"_

 _"Sure princess. Come on over and get them from me."_

She had fallen hard for him that day and if she had not already spat out the rule of needing a bed or a back seat she probably would have let him have his way with her right then and there. She brushed a tear away from her cheek at the thought of how gentle and sweet he was when he was with her. Could he really be the monster everyone made him out to be?

 _She took a deep breath and moved towards him. When she was two steps in front of him she reached out for her clothes, but instead of handing them over as she expected he grabbed her wrist and pulled her against him. She fit against him perfectly with just enough height difference that she had to look up at him. He slid one callused hand down her back and gripped her ass. "You may not see it," he whispered to her and her genitals tingled again, "but you are one fucking hot woman."_

 _He closed the distance between them and slammed his mouth against hers. She fought against responding but her body betrayed her and before she could stop herself her arms were around his neck and her hands were in his hair pulling him closer to her._

 _The kiss was hot and when he pulled away from her and bit her bottom lip she moaned involuntarily. "We are going to need a bed," he said coarsely before bucking his hips against her naked waist to let her feel his erection. "Get dressed before I make one out of pine straw."_

 _He put her clothes against her chest and walked away from her leaving her wanting. Mentally she slapped herself. "You just threw rule number one out of the fucking window didn't you Lucy," she muttered. "Hell you've only been around him for a day and you're already talking like him."_

She would have to talk to Michonne and see what she knew about him. If he was the monster that Rick said, she needed to guard her heart because she had already fallen hard. But maybe, just maybe there was some good in him that she could grow. "Who am I kidding?" she asked Judith. "If I can't grow a cactus what makes me think I can grow kindness in a person?"

Judith cooed at her and Lucy smiled. "Carl? Enid?" she called out.

"Coming!" Carl called back.

"I think this is good for now," she said to the young couple as they made their way back through the small grove of trees.

Carl took the bag from Lucy and held it open for Enid to drop more plums and another apple or two in before he slung the bag over his shoulder. "We can head back then, but we'll go a different way so we can show you the fish pond."

"You have a fish pond too?" she asked incuriously.

"We had a couple but one is full of burned up walkers now so it isn't useful anymore," Enid said with a frown.

"I'll need that story another day," Lucy said, "but for now I'm enjoying just being with you three kids and acting like we are a normal little family."

"Which ones of us belong to you?" Enid asked with a grin.

Lucy pursed her lips together as she thought. "Well since Judith and Carl are already siblings I guess they would be mine and you would be Carl's adorable best friend and crush that I so desire to have as a daughter-in-law one day."

"I like that story," Enid said taking Carl's hand again.

The group walked side by side down to the fishing pond. It had been a really great day and Lucy knew that the devil was going to disturb the peace any minute.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Things aren't what they seem

The fishing pond wasn't anything spectacular, but it was peaceful. "I wish they had put some kind of cover over the walkway into the pond," Enid said with a shrug of her shoulders. "But I'm sure other things became more important."

"Yeah like survival," Carl said with a snort.

"Car!" Judith shouted from Lucy's back. "Car! Me!"

"I can't hold you right now Judith," Carl told her with a smile. "We'll play when we get back ok."

"Car! Me! Nid! Me!" Judith shouted.

Lucy laughed. "So I'm not good enough for you now Judith? You tired of riding on my back?"

"Down! Me!" she shouted.

"You can get down when we get back," Lucy told her which made the little girl pout.

"It's not safe Judith," Carl said. "There are snakes and you might fall in the water."

"Snak?" Judith said with question.

"Yes, snakes," Carl responded.

"Snak bad," Judith said.

"Yes Judith," Enid said.

Lucy chuckled at the exchange between the two teens and the toddler. "Next time we'll come prepared to fish."

Lucy watched the pond ripple as a gentle breeze brushed across the water. "What are you thinking?" Enid asked.

Lucy smiled softly at Enid. "That you are too perceptive for your own good young lady."

"Are you in love with him?" Enid asked.

"Who?"

"Negan."

Carl, who had wandered off to the edge of the pond, stopped to listen to their conversation. "Are you supposed to be in love with a monster?" Lucy said.

"Depends on your definition of a monster," Enid replied with a shrug. "You said yourself that it depends on whose team you're on. We love Rick, but I think he could be described like that sometimes, don't you?"

Lucy shook her head and glanced up at Carl. "I don't," she swallowed hard. "I don't know him well enough."

Carl's mouth was a tight line. "We've all done things we aren't proud of Lucy," he said coming back to join the girls. "I… I might even be viewed as a monster in your eyes because of… things that I have done."

"Do you think I'm a monster Carl?" Lucy asked. "I had a… relationship with Negan. I've killed people and I've stolen from others. Am I a monster?"

Carl smiled at her. "No Lucy, I think you are the furthest thing from a monster that could exist."

"And I see the same in you Carl."

Enid smirked. "I think we need to head back. This is getting to mushy for me."

Carl laughed. "Oh shut up Enid! You are just as mushy as we are right now!"

"Shh, Nid," Judith said holding her finger over her lips. "Shh."

"Yes ma'am Judith," Enid said mimicking the toddler's actions.

Enid and Lucy walked ahead of Carl and he entertained Judith who had grown restless of being toted around on Lucy's back. As they neared the back side of Alexandria they could hear shouting. Enid helped Lucy get Judith off her back and the girls ducked into a copse of trees while Carl walked forward slowly to investigate the noises. "Would he have come this early?" Lucy asked, a waver in her voice as she spoke.

"You never know, but he knew he nearly cleaned us out last time he came and he was supposed to give us the full month in order to restock," Enid said, the fear now evident in her voice.

Judith sat quietly in Enid's lap as they watched the road ahead for a signal from Carl that everything was fine and that they could enter the neighborhood. A groaning sounded from behind them and Lucy turned to face a single walker moving through the trees towards their hiding place. "Keep Judith close," she whispered to Enid, before slipping as quietly as possible through the brush towards the walker.

He caught her scent as she pushed him down and plunged the knife Rick had allowed her to carry through the walker's skull. He was completely rotten and falling to pieces. He had been dead a while and she wondered how long he had been drifting around the woods. When Lucy made it back to Enid she was standing with Judith on her hip and Carl making his way back up the path to their location. "It's ok," he said. "We have company, but it isn't Negan."

"Who is it?" Enid asked.

"The hilltop and they brought Gregory with them this time."

Enid snorted. "I can't believe that prick left the safety of his fences."

Lucy glanced at Enid when she used the word prick. "Who the hell is this guy?"

"He's the leader of the hilltop community, but he's a complete coward. Dad should have gotten rid of him a long time ago."

Lucy didn't like the comment but she didn't say anything. "Is it safe for us to head back?" she asked.

"Yeah. I just want you three to stay behind me."

"Who else is here from the hilltop?" Enid asked.

"Jesus, Lamar, Connie, and James."

"Is the J in Jesus pronounced like an H?" Lucy asked.

"Nope. That's what everyone calls him."

"Yeah, not me," Lucy said. "Lead on, we'll follow close behind you."

Carl walked them down the hill towards the meeting hall where they could hear raised voices again. "He's looking for her Rick and if you find her there will be a huge reward if you turn her over to him!"

"We'll keep a look out, but let me be clear Gregory," she heard Rick say with menace. "We don't trade people. If we do find her we'll either put her out of her misery or we'll hide her from him. There's no telling what that sick bastard would do to a young woman like that, what's he want her for anyway?"

"You don't ask Simon questions, Rick," the male voice said again. "You do as he says and move on, what Negan asks him to get is his business and if we asked questions… I can't imagine the consequences."

"You better hope you find her first because if we find her we are hiding her," she heard Michonne say.

Lucy grabbed Carl by the shirt and stopped him. "They are talking about me," she whispered.

"I know," Carl said. "But I wanted to introduce them to our newest scavenger… Meredith."

Lucy eyed him curiously. "If we march you in there and introduce you then they won't have a reason to keep looking for you here. Just follow my lead… Meredith. Enid can you take Judith back to the house."

Enid nodded.

"Just play along ok," Carl said, slinging the bag of apples and plums over his shoulder before he took off running for the building with Lucy close behind.

"Dad! Michonne! You'll never believe what Meredith found! She has got a great nose and she found some of the best apples and plums…." Carl stopped with Lucy right behind him. "What are they doing here?" he asked indicating the others in the room.

Lucy was able to get a good look at the group and immediately took a dislike to Gregory. Michonne smiled. "Don't be rude Carl. Meredith these folks are from the Hilltop community. This is Gregory, Lamar, Connie, and James and the guy with the beard, well we call him Jesus."

Lucy turned her nose up at the name. "You got a real name?" she asked.

"Paul," the bearded man said with a smile. "I take it Jesus offends you?"

"Can you walk on water?"

Paul shook his head with a grin.

"Then I'll call you Paul."

"Meredith huh?" Gregory said with a frown. "And just when did you arrive in Alexandria?"

"Two or three days ago," Lucy said calmly. "Who are you and why does it matter?"

"Meredith," Rick said eyeing her. "This is Gregory. He, stupidly, leads the Hilltop community. It's similar to Alexandria but led by an idiot."

"Harsh Rick," Gregory said.

"But true," Michonne said from behind Rick. "I'm sure Gregory thinks you are this… hostage… he is looking for name Lucy. She apparently got away from another community and they are looking for her. Greg, here, wants to find her and turn her in to the Saviors. He thinks it will get him somewhere with them."

"Yeah dead," Lucy muttered.

"What do you know about the Saviors… Meredith?" Gregory asked turning towards her.

"Only what I've heard," Lucy replied. "But I've heard enough to stay as far away from them as I can. Strange that I haven't heard anything about the Hilltop though."

"Not so strange," Gregory said carefully. "We keep to ourselves, mostly."

Carl sneered at him. "Come on Meredith let's take the fruit to Carol and see what she wants to make."

Lucy nodded before turning to leave the meeting hall with Carl close on her heels. "Don't look back, just keep walking," he said and she knew he was dead serious.

"That was pleasant," she said quietly.

"You have no idea," Carl replied before breaking into a run down the street towards Carol's house.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 the rules kid

 _"Tell me about your rules."_

 _"What?"_

 _"Your rules. Tell me what they are Lucy."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Just making conversation," he said with a shrug._

 _"Well," she paused trying to decide if telling him her rules would create a problem. "Rule number one is not to trust anyone ever."_

 _He nodded. "That's an excellent rule. You can't trust anyone these days."_

 _"Even you?"_

 _"Especially me," he said with a nod._

 _"Rule number two is to find water every day."_

 _"Another good rule to live by Lucy."_

 _"Rule number three is to take help when it is offered but don't trust it is offered without reason. Rule four is to keep moving but find places to rest every couple of days."_

 _"Also good rules to live by, are there any others?"_

 _She shook her head. "Always refer to rule one."_

 _"Rule one is important. It's probably the most important one of all Lucy."_

 _Lucy nodded. If it was so fucking important why was she having trouble sticking to it all of a sudden?_

"You look like you are thinking might hard there Lucy," Maggie said from right beside her which made her jump in the rocking chair she was currently occupying. "Whoa!" Maggie said holding her hands up in front of her. "See, you were thinking mighty hard. You didn't even hear me walk up."

"Sorry Maggie."

Maggie nodded and took the seat next to her. "You found some great apples and plums this morning."

"You mean from the apple and plum trees that you guys already knew existed?"

"Right," Maggie said with a simple head nod. "If you're worried about Gregory you don't have to be. We'll keep you safe."

Lucy chuckled. "See Rick told me that to start with and then Carl tried to slit my throat open in front of a crowd so you'll forgive me if I'm not the most trusting person in the world."

"That was over a week ago Lucy and you are Carl are best buddies now."

"Yeah, poor kid. He misses his mom."

"Did he tell you about Lori?"

"Yeah, he said I remind him of her. It was just so tragic."

Maggie sighed. "I'm glad he opened up to you. He really hasn't talked about her a lot since it happened."

Lucy had no idea what had happened to Carl's mom, but Maggie thought she did so she opted to play along to try and find out some details. "Yeah," she said clearing her throat. "I mean to have to experience that at such a young age. This world is hard enough without all that he went through."

"I was there," Maggie said quietly. "I was supposed to be able to help Lori through the labor. We were trapped in that boiler room when the contractions started and I was so scared. She probably could have labored for longer but she was bleeding and… and I was just scared. She said to save the baby. She was clear that Judith needed to be saved."

"Go on Maggie," Lucy urged. "It sounds like you need to talk about what happened too."

Maggie's voice cracked when she continued, but it was obvious she needed to talk. "I blocked out what I was doing but she screamed when I… when I cut her open. She told me to follow the old C-section scar and I did, but… but nothing prepares you for cutting into someone else."

Maggie was staring into space now as she spoke. Deep in her memory of what had happened. Lucy had pieced together that Lori must have gone into labor with Judith and there was no way to deliver the baby without a C-section. "There was so much blood," Maggie said softly. "Before and after."

"It sounds like she abrupted," Lucy said gently. "The only way to save the baby was to do what you did."

"She passed out shortly after I cut her open," Maggie said softly. "She never got to see Judith. Carl, he… he was amazing. I was so focused on the baby I didn't… couldn't focus on Lori. Carl did though. He waited until she had stopped breathing. He knew there wasn't a chance she could survive. So when he was sure, sure that she had died he didn't hesitate before he pulled the pistol he always carried. He was a child before that day, but after that he had no choice but to grow up."

Lucy sat in stunned silence. Carl had to shoot his mother to keep her from turning. That sweet little boy had to shoot his mother in the head after she died giving birth to his sister. What kind of a fucked up world was this? Dead people roaming the streets and little boys having to kill their mothers to keep them from changing into… something more horrific.

"You're good for Carl," Maggie said breaking her train of thought. "Enid was good for him, but you have really made an impact on him. He seems so much freer when he's with you."

Lucy nodded. "I… I like the kid," she said unable to keep her voice from cracking. "He's really a great kid as long as he's not trying to kill you."

They both laughed at that comment for several minutes. "Even after all of that you decided to have a baby? Really?"

"Glen, that was my husband, we wanted a family. This world wasn't going to keep us from having a real marriage and family."

"What happened to him?"

Maggie hung her head for a minute and then she looked up into Lucy's eyes. "The man you're protecting, Negan, he beat him baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire until he killed him. He hit him so hard the first time that one of his eyes popped out of his skull."

Lucy couldn't hold back the gasp and sudden onset of tears. "I know you said that we saw things differently depending on whose team you were on, but team Rick or not I could never condone the way he deals with people. He's sick. He sadistic. He's a murderer."

Lucy blanched at Maggie's hard words. That wasn't how she knew Negan. That wasn't how she knew him at all. He had been kind, gentle, loving with her. The night in the barn came quickly to her mind.

 _They were hunkered down in a barn listening to the wind and rain outside. The weather was rough and she was glad they had been able to find a semi secure place to stay the night. They were originally going to sleep in the loft, but after Coach climbed the ladder and looked it over he declared it unsafe. They opted to move equipment around in the barn to create a barricade of sorts to protect them while they slept, but it hadn't been needed because sleep did not come._

 _"I hate bad weather," Lucy muttered drawing her knees closer to her._

 _"Scared?" he asked from his relaxed position against a bale of hay._

 _"Well that would be sort of stupid don't you think? I mean, we are in the middle of a damn apocalypse like a comic book never predicted and I'm afraid of bad weather? That's… ludicrous."_

 _"Why? If you're scared then you're scared. It's ok to be scared."_

 _"No it's not ok. There isn't room or time for fear in this world."_

 _"Suite yourself."_

 _A sudden clap of thunder made her jump and squeal quietly like a little girl. She tucked her head into her knees and rocked back and forth gently before glancing up at Coach. He opened his arms to her and she jumped at him. Feeling ridiculously safe in his embrace. "I'm such an idiot," she muttered against his chest._

 _"I like when you're being an idiot. It means we get to snuggle," he said mockingly._

Lucy swallowed hard, but she didn't speak. "You are protecting a mad man," Maggie said. "Keep that in mind and maybe you can dwell on those thoughts for a little while."

Lucy glanced at her and pinched her lips tight together. "Can you tell me Rick has never been violent like that?" her voice was almost a whisper.

Maggie looked away and shook her head. "See you around Lucy," she said leaving her alone once again on the porch.

Lucy went inside and headed up to the bathroom to shower. Maybe relaxing in the warm water would help her deal with the sudden burst of emotion she was feeling. Talking to Maggie had brought back the memories of her first intimate moments with Negan, before she knew who he was.

 _"I like when you're being an idiot. It means we get to snuggle," he said mockingly._

 _"Shut up."_

 _"Make me."_

 _She glanced up and could barely make out his face in the darkness of the barn. She pushed herself upwards toward his face and nipped his bottom lip. "I think I will," she whispered before placing her lips against his._

 _It only took a moment for him to respond by pulling her on top of him to straddle his waist. He slid his hands up her back and down to grab her ass again while their tongues battled each other for dominance. "Fuck," he moaned against her lips as she thrust her hips against his erection._

 _He held her hips against him to still her movements and kissed her soundly. "No… bed…" he rasped out and she growled before pushing herself off of him._

 _She lay next to him for a moment slowing down her breathing when she made a rash decision. She wiggled down his body and went to unfasten his belt. "Lucy, no…"_

 _"Shut up Coach. It's not sex."_

 _She unzipped his jeans and was shocked to find him bare underneath. If she had known his cock wasn't covered by underwear she might have reacted sooner. "Drawers are overrated," he muttered before thrusting against her hand._

 _She slipped her hand up and down the length of his shaft for several strokes before she slipped the head of his erection into her mouth. She was awkward and he could tell she had never really given a blow job before but the sweet way she handled his dick pleased him like no one else ever had. She took him completely into her mouth and he felt the head of his dick hit the back of her throat. He almost blew his load then because he was so aroused by her inexperience. She used her hand to fondle his sack and when she drew her hand up his length while she pulled tautly on his head he lost control. "Lucy," he rasped out. "I'm going to come."_

 _"Then do it," she murmured around the head of his dick and he growled at the pleasure the vibrations created._

 _He thrust into her mouth and came down her throat. He was impressed at how well she handled it and moaned with appreciation when she sucked him dry and licked him clean. "You haven't done that much, have you?"_

 _He couldn't see her face but he figured she was blushing. "N… no… was it bad?"_

 _He laughed. "Princess that was the best fucking blow job I have ever had in my life."_

 _He tucked himself away and grinned when she snuggled up next to him and promptly fell asleep._

That was her Negan. The man who complimented her obviously lacking sexual skills. The man who snuggled with her and protected her from her irrational fear of the thunder storm. She sobbed into her hands as she sank down on the floor next to the bathtub. She never turned the water on, never took her clothes off. She just sat there and cried.

And that was exactly how Carl found her later with her knees drawn up to her chest and her face puffy from her tears. "Lucy?"

"Is he really that bad Carl?"

"Who?"

"Negan, is he really that bad?"

"Lucy, I don't know…"

"The rules Carl."

"What?"

"If I had just stuck to the fucking rules I wouldn't be in this situation! They were simple rules. Very simple. Kept me alive for over a year on my own. But then he comes along and I just throw the rules out the window."

"I'll… I'll be right back Lucy."

Lucy sobbed into her hands again. She was so screwed there was no way to make this situation alright. "Lucy?" Michonne said easing down onto the ground next to her.

"If I had just followed the rules."

"You wouldn't be in love with a monster?"

Lucy laughed bitterly. "I didn't know to start with, really up until you found me I had no idea who he was. He got trapped with me in a basement of some little settlement. A herd of creepers came through and I pulled him into the basement with me. Then when it was time to go he just sort of followed me. He was kind to me. He… complimented my quirks and things that he noticed about me. He made me a promise… he said that if I came back to the Sanctuary with him and I didn't like it that I could leave."

She lay her head on Michonne's shoulder unaware that Carl was sitting in the hallway outside of the bathroom listening to her every word. "We shared… secrets, things that neither of us had ever told anyone. I'm a nurse practitioner Michonne. I have years of emergency medicine practice and I would probably be an asset to any camp that I joined. But I don't tell people that, it makes people go crazy like they need to hold you hostage or something."

"He told me about his past. Before the world went to shit."

Lucy sobbed again. "He… he made love to me Michonne. Not just a quick fuck that means nothing. It was so real. It felt so real. Have you ever been in love? Ever felt like that about someone you shouldn't?"

Michonne hugged her and she sighed. "Why did you leave Lucy? Why did you leave the Sanctuary? What happened?"

Lucy started to laugh. "The dream became a nightmare," she whispered.

 _"Eugene?" a female voice said from in front of them. "What the hell are you doing here?"_

 _"He brought a guest," Lucy said turning them to the side so she could view the room in full. "You could say it was under duress," she said before she pushed him further into the room._

 _She glanced around the room at twelve women in various stages of undress. They all wore lingerie in different colors, but some were more clothed than others. She swallowed hard. "Where is he?" she asked._

 _"Who?" a blond woman replied with disdain._

 _"Negan. Where is he?"_

 _The blond smirked at her. "Eugene who in the hell is this broad?"_

 _"Pamela, this is Lucy," Eugene said very matter of fact and a series of gasps went around the room._

 _"You… you're Lucy?" the blond named Pamela asked. "What the fuck does he see in you?"_

 _"Pamela," a red headed woman said, "be careful. You know she's special."_

 _"Why?" the blond said. "What the hell has she done or got that makes her so fucking special that he spends all his time with her? I mean look at her Joyce! She's old and worn down! He has been ignoring us for her? I suddenly feel incredibly unappreciated."_

 _"It's her name," a brunette said. "She's named Lucy… like the bat."_

 _"The bat is Lucille dumbass," Pamela said with a snarl._

 _Lucy laughed out loud because the statement was so stupid it was funny. "Lucy is short for Lucille dumbass," she said through her laughter. "Now where the fuck is Negan? You'll tell me or I'm going to have to start cutting heads off with my little knife here."_

 _Pamela looked appropriately rebuffed by her statement when she pointed to another set of double doors. "He's with Marty and Ginger. But you'll have to wait till he's done with them because the door is locked and he keeps the key," she said haughtily._

 _Lucy laughed again before pushing Eugene towards a couch where three women were seated. "You think so huh? It just so happens I have a key of my own… Pamela."_

 _Lucy planted her boot in the center of the door just below the lock. She knew it was just going to be a basic deadbolt and with enough pressure below the lock she could pop the door open. She drew her foot back and kicked as hard as she could and to her delight the door flew open. "What the actual fuck?!"_

 _"No," she whispered._

 _She focused on a large bed in the center of the room which was occupied by three naked people one of which was a very naked and thrusting Coach. "What the fuck is going on?" he screamed pulling out of the woman he was with and flipping around to face the now open door._

 _She was stuck to her spot. She couldn't move. She could barely breathe. She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity before he pushed himself off the bed and started towards her. "Lucy… fuck… Lucy… I…"_

 _She held her hand up to stop him. "Rule number one… Negan."_

 _She turned on her heel and left the room leaving behind a group of very confused women, a bleeding Eugene and a pissed off Negan._

 _Negan stared at Eugene for a moment trying to understand what he was really looking at in his apartment. "She do that to you?" he asked, indicating the cut marks that continued to ooze blood._

 _Eugene nodded, but didn't speak. "Fuck!"_

Michonne tucked Lucy into her pallet and turned out the lights. Lucy had cried herself to sleep but she hadn't said anything else about Negan. "Michonne?" Carl whispered from the top of the stairs. "I want to… to… um… sleep… sleep with Lucy tonight. She needs me."

Michonne smiled softly. "Ok Carl. I'll let Rick know where you are ok?"

Carl nodded.

Michonne watched him quietly walk into Lucy's room and close the door behind him. He suddenly seemed so young to her and was more of the boy she had first met than he had ever been. She wandered down the steps and joined Rick on the sofa. "Lucy talked to me for a while today."

"About Negan?"

Michonne nodded. "She thought he was her prince charming Rick."

"And when she realized he wasn't?"

"She didn't get that far but it must have been bad."

"Well Negan is a bad guy."

"She didn't know it was him though. He hadn't been that way with her when they were alone."

Rick took Michonne's hand in his. "I get what she's saying, about whose team you're on and all that, but in the end you have to pick a side."

"Carl is sleeping with her tonight. He asked if he could and I told him sure. He really likes her."

Rick nodded. "He told me she reminds him of Lori, but I don't see it at all. Still they have a special connection, just like the two of you do."

Michonne giggled. "How about we go make a special connection Mr. Grimes? After all the kids are asleep and if we are very quiet we won't wake them up."

Rick grinned at her before tossing her over his shoulder and carrying her up the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Group Chat

Lucy pushed at the snoring man next to her in bed. "Roll over, you're snoring," she whispered.

"Sorry Lucy baby," he said rolling towards her and wrapping an arm around her waist. "My allergies are killing me."

"If you would take your medicine like you are supposed to then they would get better Negan."

"You make me feel better Lucy," he whispered before taking her ear lobe into his mouth and sucking gently.

"Stop," she said with a giggle. "I have to get up in a couple of hours."

"Well," he said as he kissed down her neck and slipped the thin strap of her night gown over her shoulder exposing more skin to his mouth. "I'm up now and I think we should do something about that, don't you?"

Lucy moaned as Negan bunched her nightgown up around her waist and began to slide a thick finger across her outer lips. "Lucy," he said loudly and she moaned in response. "Lucy!" Negan yelled at her. "Wake up! You're having a bad dream!"

Lucy opened her eyes and the dream faded until she was eye to eye with Carl. "Carl?"

"Lucy you were moaning, bad dream?"

Lucy blushed. "The worst."

She noticed the extra blanket and pillow next to her on the pallet. "Carl, did you sleep in here with me?"

He nodded. "I didn't want you to be alone. It's early though so we need to sleep a little bit longer, unless you think the nightmare is going to keep you awake?"

She shook her head. "No, I… I can go back to sleep."

Carl yawned. "Night Lucy."

"Night Carl."

When Lucy woke next it was well over into the morning and she was alone. The pillow that Carl had used was still there so she knew she hadn't dreamed his presence. She was going to have to talk to him about boundaries. She wondered if Rick and Michonne knew that he had stayed in her room last night. Probably not because Rick would not have tolerated that behavior. "You are going to be accused of being a pedophile next Lucy," she muttered out loud to herself.

She moved quietly to the bathroom and listened to the obviously empty house. She wondered where everyone was because while it was later in the morning than when she usually woke up it wasn't ridiculously late. She used the rest room and changed her shirt into a plain light green t-shirt before slipping on her tennis shoes and heading down stairs.

Two pieces of cinnamon and sugar toast were on the counter with a note from Rick saying that they were having a meeting and she was welcome to come down to the meeting hall when she woke up, but there was no rush. She nibbled on the toast for a minute and wondered what the group had to talk about. An overwhelming since of dread had her rushing back upstairs to vomit. Were they going to turn her over to Negan? Were they going to try and get on his good side by using her?

She wiped her mouth with a damp cloth and brushed her teeth. She had to get to the meeting. Lucy devised a simple plan. She knew you could hear everything that was said in the meeting hall from just outside the door so she wasn't going to make her presence known which she hoped would encourage the group to speak freely. If she caught even a whiff that they were planning on turning her over to Negan she was going to make a run for it and sneak over the back fence. Rick had given her a small knife to use for protection and that would have to do until she could find something better.

She moved down the road towards the meeting hall and slowed as she rounded the corner. She heard voices, but they weren't any that she recognized. "She must be protected," a distinguished male voice said from within the meeting hall. "She is innocent in all but falling for the manipulations of the wrong man and we have all been manipulated by Negan in some way or another."

"Here, here your majesty," another male voice said.

"Your majesty?" Lucy crinkled her nose. "What the hell was this nonsense?"

"She still needs to tell us what she saw in the Sanctuary," she heard Carol say. "Her knowledge would allow us to infiltrate the compound and save lives while we are after Negan. There are plenty of innocents there too if anyone has forgotten."

"Innocents," came a male voice she thought sounded like Paul. "Those innocents would just as soon shoot you as help you. Now I don't think we should turn Lucy over to Negan, but I'm with Carol that she needs to tell us what she knows."

"You and Carl saw the inside of the compound," another female voice said. "Why do you think she can tell us more than you can?"

"She was there for some time," Rick said. "She saw more of the compound than either Jesus or Carl and she probably knows exactly where Negan lives in the place. She is a valuable asset."

"Torture her," another voice said. "Torture her until she talks."

"No!" she heard Michonne yell. "She already thinks we are no better than Negan's people. No better than Negan himself! Listen to yourselves! She is a young woman, an innocent who needs to be care for, not tortured and abused."

"She just needs time," she heard Maggie say next. "She's been on her own for a long time and the one person she trusted abused her and mistreated her something fierce. We all need to give her time."

"Time has a limit," the male voice that called for torture said. "He will be here in another two weeks. Are we going to hide her from them?"

"Yes," Rick said matter of fact like. "We are going to hide her and take care of our business and no one is going to know anything about her or so help me I will kill you where you stand."

The room was silent for several minutes. "Lucy?" Rick called and she jumped at the sound. "You can come on in now if you want. I guarantee no one is going to hurt you."

She eased around the door frame into the group of people and Michonne and Carl immediately came to her side. "Lucy," Michonne said. "This is King Ezekiel from the community call the Kingdom and this is his friend Randy. You met Paul yesterday and while we hid you from him yesterday it is safe for him to know who you are now."

"I'm Tara," the female voice that had asked about the compound said. "And this is Clark. We were out on a run when they brought you in, but we're safe."

Lucy snorted. "Except that Clark wants to torture me for what I know about the Sanctuary."

"Nobody is going to hurt you Lucy," Carl said taking her hand in his. "Nobody."

She glanced at Carl. "Remind me that we need to have a conversation about boundaries later on ok Carl."

He looked at her quizzically. "Ok, I guess?"

"Give me a little more time," Lucy said to the group. "I'll… I'll talk to Michonne tonight."

The group nodded. "Take your time fair maiden," Ezekiel said with a nod of his head. "You have been mistreated in the worst kind of way and that will take time to heal. We are in no rush to see Negan's demise at your expense."

She nodded and was going to say something else when someone shouted and interrupted her. "Saviors!" the shout sounded. "Saviors! Saviors at the gate!"

"Shit," Rick said with frustration. "Maggie take Lucy to the back of Alexandria and hide in one of the houses. Get in a closet or under some cabinets but we can't take the chance of you being seen. Ezekiel where are the horses?"

"Hidden behind the tower. Negan and his men shall not find them."

"Alright those of you that don't belong to Alexandria disappear. He's early, but we can't take any chances."

Lucy followed Maggie across the manicured lawns to a blue home on the back side of Alexandria. "We'll go upstairs," Maggie said. "Stick to the side of the steps so that the dust stays settled. There are two bedrooms up there and we can watch from the window and then hide in the closet if we see anyone coming."

Lucy nodded. "Why is he early Maggie?"

"He's unpredictable Lucy," was all she said before they took up their posts in the windows and sat silently watching the road.

The gates to Alexandria were still closed when Rick, Michonne and Carl approached them. "What's going on?" Rick yelled up to Toban who was on watch duty.

Toban pointed at the gate. "It's… its Simon. He... wants to talk to you Rick."

Rick moved closer to the gate and opened the covered primary gate just enough to be able to see Simon. "It's just me," Simon said with a smirk. "Negan… he's uh… attending to other business right now."

"We have another week to collect Simon," Rick said cautiously. "We have somethings that can be taken, but it won't meet the taxes."

"I'm not here for stuff Rick. I'm here for Lucy."

Rick stared at him obviously confused. "Lucy? Like Lucille? Negan's bat? He didn't leave it here, and if he did we probably would have burned the damn thing."

Simon chuckled. "Got a fight to pick with Lucille huh Rick? I guess she did do some serious damage to some of your folks, but it's not like you weren't warned or anything."

Rick scowled which made Simon grin wider. "Of course, the last time we paid you a visit Lucille didn't get to do her dirty work and I don't think their relationship has been the same."

"Relationship?"

"Negan and Lucille's of course."

"Of course."

Simon eyed Rick a moment. "Lucy," he whispered through the gate, "is a young woman that Negan needs returned to him. She's… special to him you might say and he desperately wants her back."

"We don't take in strangers," Rick said. "Did she escape?"

Simon smirked at Rick. "Nope walked right out the front gate. Damnedest thing I ever saw. She's smart so Negan let her go, but he doesn't think she'll make it long on her own and he doesn't want her to be walker food. He's got a soft spot for the old broad and he really wants her back."

"He let her walk out the front gate huh?"

"Yep," Simon said clenching his jaw. "After she killed two guards and shot Arrat in the leg. Ain't that a peach?"

Rick growled. "What kind of damn fool do you take me for Simon?"

"A pretty big one I imagine," Simon said with a chuckle.

"There is no way Negan would let some woman walk out of the compound especially after killing two of his men. Are you sure he didn't introduce her to Lucille and just didn't let you know?"

Simon laughed. "Normally I would think you were right Rick. Normally I would think that this was a wild goose chase, but really he let the ungrateful bitch walk right out of the front gate and then sent us after her. Must be some fine pussy she's got is all I can say, because no woman is worth this kind of trouble."

Rick didn't speak and Simon glared at him with a crooked smile gracing his face. "Well if you or any of your people come across a young woman all alone pick her up and lock her up until we get here. Keep her safe because Negan is going to want to take care of her himself."

Rick nodded.

"See you next week Rick."

Rick watched Simon walk back to his truck through the crack in the gate before closing it and locking it tight. No one spoke until they were far away from the front gate and even then they waited until they were in the confines of one of the inner homes. "I wouldn't doubt if he has placed someone to watch the community," Rick said wiping the sweat off his brow. "Lucy will have to go back into the jail cell while we cover the grounds. We can't take a chance that she'll be seen."

Carl nodded. "I've got a hoodie she can wear to cover her head and I'll get her to the cell."

Rick nodded. "Stay to the shadows. Keep her behind the houses as much as possible so that you aren't seen. The faster she gets to the cell the safer she will be."

Carl took off for the back of the property and found Lucy and Maggie hunkered down in one of the houses. "It was just Simon," Carl said working to catch his breath. "But Negan is out looking for you so we have to hide you in the jail cell. Negan doesn't know it exists so you'll be safe there Lucy."

Lucy nodded and accepted the shirt Carl was handing her. "Put the hood up and we'll walk together back up the cell."

"Why the secrecy?" Lucy asked.

"Dad's worried there may be someone watching the place for you."

"Makes sense," Maggie said. "You two go on. I'll meet you in a little bit. I'm going to watch the woods from the second floor to be sure that no one's on the back side."

Lucy grimaced. "Well, back to my home away from home."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 Return

A glass crashed against the wall and shattered into a dozen pieces causing the group of women to squeal and disappear from the room. All except one. "Negan baby," Pamela cooed at him. "Don't be so cross. Let me help you feel better."

"Get the fuck out Pam. I'm not interested."

"Oh but Negan baby, please?" she was practically begging now with her eyes wide and brimmed with tears. "You are so tense," she eased up behind him and raked her nails down his back putting pressure on his skin through his white t-shirt.

Negan whirled around on her and gripped her by the throat. "I said get the fuck out Pam," he hissed at her. "I'm not interested."

He pushed her away from him with a deep growl and she scurried from the room passing Simon in the doorway. "He's in a piss poor mood," she said loudly as she fled the area.

"Never a good idea to piss off the wives sir," Simon said closing the door behind him.

"Did you find her?"

"Not yet."

Negan was silent before he grabbed another glad and threw it against the wall just below where the first had hit. "We have to find her Simon."

"We've put out the word through the other communities sir. I haven't seen any fresh walkers on the roads so I don't think she's turned."

Negan laughed. "You don't think she's turned huh?"

Simon stepped back and wisely didn't speak. "You don't think she's fucking turned!" Negan shouted and threw another glass but this time at Simon's head which Simon promptly avoided.

"Sir," Simon said cautiously. "I know this is not my place and I'll take whatever you throw at me, but what is so damn special about her?"

Negan paused and drug his hand down his face before he turned to face Simon. "She just is," he said briskly.

"If I were a betting man I'd think those fuckers in Alexandria have seen her, but they seemed truly shocked when I asked. Thought you had left Lucille behind or something."

"As if that would happen," Negan said running his hand over the shaft of the bat he always kept close.

"I've got to find her Simon," he said softly. "She's everything to me."

"What makes you think she'll come back?" Simon asked bravely.

Negan smirked. "She called me on my bullshit."

 _He laughed, but it sounded hollow. "Come on Lucy baby. Stay. I'll keep pretending your someone else but I'll make you feel good when I fuck you."_

 _She snorted. "Pretend it wasn't real Negan. Pretend you don't have feelings, but I know better. Now open the fucking gate!"_

"She saw me Simon. She wasn't afraid even when she found out who I was really. She was never afraid. She was pissed as hell! But not afraid."

"You want a woman who is scared of you?"

"You don't get it dumbass! Lucy is special. She helped me when I was down and out and damn it if she didn't make me like her in the process. If I was capable of loving anyone besides Lucille there, I would say I was in love with her, but like… yeah I definitely like her."

"I'll send word of the other searchers when I hear something from them sir."

"You do that Simon. I think I'm going to get piss poor drunk and sleep until I wake up."

Simon nodded and started to leave the room. "Simon?"

"Yes sir?"

"Tell Pamela that I don't want to see her anymore. She's welcome to stay in her apartment but she isn't welcome in my bed anymore."

Simon nodded and stepped out of the room, closing the door tightly behind him. Negan reached for a glass and poured himself a shot of whiskey which he downed rapidly. Fuck but she made him crazy. She had made him crazy from the beginning.

 _Negan beat her to the fire making the next morning. It wasn't because he desired to be an early riser or anything, but he couldn't lay there with her ass pushed up against his crotch anymore. "What the fuck is wrong with you jackass?" he muttered as he stoked the fire and started a pot of water from the stream to boil. "She is just some random bitch that means nothing. You have plenty of pussy to hit when you get back and you have plenty of smart shit heads to take care of shit at the Sanctuary. Why the fuck are you getting hung up over her?"_

 _He glanced back at the door to the shack they were sharing. She was different though. She mouthed off to him. She wasn't afraid of him. Well she was but she didn't know that he was Negan. Lucy and Coach were just two people trying to survive in a world thrown into chaos._

 _When he was with her he could just be. He didn't have to threaten or take from her because she gave to him. Selflessly. He suddenly felt like the monster in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. When the monster had been taken in by the blind man, he felt safe, he felt cared for all because the man didn't know that he was a monster in the flesh. Lucy didn't see him as a monster, even though he was without a doubt._

 _"Stop it you pussy," he muttered before pushing back from the fire and walking over to the door of the shack._

 _She was still asleep so he pulled the door closed and went in search of something to kill for food. Maybe allowing his cave man tenacity to take back over would kill these sudden feelings he possessed and let his monster return. Moving through the brush quietly he heard a rustle in the leaves that he hoped was an animal, but the guttural groan indicated differently. The walker was female and her dress was hanging off her shoulders with part of her nasty bra exposed. He stood still and whistled softly to get her attention. "Hello sweetheart," he crooned to her as she turned towards him and raised her hands in front of her. "Come on sugar and get you a bite."_

 _He kept Lucille cradled in his arm like a baby until the walker was on top of him and then he swung with all of his might. He chuckled when her head separated from her body and that body slumped to the ground in a pile of rotten flesh. He checked the head to ensure it was no longer alive and stomped on it with his boot for good measure. He chuckled to himself again. "That felt fucking nice," he said out loud, the monster was back._

He smirked at the memories. Maybe that was the answer. He needed to work off some aggression and maybe taking Lucille out to beat the shit out of some walkers was just the answer. Of course fucking one of those women outside the room might be enough too. "Fuck who am I kidding," he muttered before taking another shot of whiskey. "You can't even get it up without thinking about her you pussy."

Negan growled as the memories of their time together flooded his mind.

 _She was trembling. He could hear her rustled movements against the straw that was on the floor of the barn they were staying in for the night. What the fuck was she so scared of? And as if she could read his thoughts she spoke her reasons._

 _"I hate bad weather," Lucy muttered drawing her knees closer to her._

 _"Scared?" he asked from his relaxed position against a bale of hay._

 _"Well that would be sort of stupid don't you think? I mean, we are in the middle of a damn apocalypse like a comic book never predicted and I'm afraid of bad weather? That's… ludicrous."_

 _"Why? If you're scared then you're scared. It's ok to be scared."_

 _He wanted to laugh at her. It was stupid to be scared, but who was he to judge what made the woman nervous. He got jumpy around snakes and he was a fucking bad ass that beat people to death with a baseball bat._

 _"No it's not ok. There isn't room or time for fear in this world," she was saying but he wasn't really paying her any attention anymore._

 _"Suite yourself."_

 _A sudden clap of thunder made her jump and squeal quietly like a little girl and damn if his cock didn't twitch at her reaction. She tucked her head into her knees and rocked back and forth gently before glancing up at him. He could see the fear in her eyes and without thinking he opened his arms to her and she jumped at him. "I'm such an idiot," she muttered against his chest and he smirked against the top of her head._

 _"I like when you're being an idiot. It means we get to snuggle," he said mockingly._

 _"Shut up."_

 _"Make me."_

 _She glanced up at him and even though he could barely see her face he could read the sudden lust in her eyes. His cock twitched again at her stare. She wasn't some common tramp for him to fuck and leave and he recognized that in that simple stare of hers. She pushed herself upwards toward his face and nipped his bottom lip. "I think I will," she whispered before placing her lips against his._

 _It only took a moment for him to respond by pulling her on top of him to straddle his waist. He wanted her and he wouldn't deny himself the simple pleasure of kissing her and feeling her body against his. He slid his hands up her back and down to grab her ass again while their tongues battled each other for dominance. "Fuck," he moaned against her lips as she thrust her hips against his erection._

 _He held her hips against him to still her movements and kissed her soundly. "No… bed…" he rasped out and she growled before pushing herself off of him and he wanted to cry at the loss of her body on top of his._

 _He could hear her breathing from her place next to him and damn him if he didn't want to break the rule of requiring a bed and fuck her right then and there. Hell a part of him thought about not returning to the sanctuary at all and just existing with her until they died. Suddenly she was wiggling down his body and went to unfasten his belt. "Lucy, no…" he couldn't believe he uttered the words._

 _"Shut up Coach. It's not sex."_

 _He heard her gasp when she unzipped his jeans to find him naked beneath. "Drawers are overrated," he muttered before thrusting against her hand out of sheer desperation to be touched._

 _She slipped her hand up and down the length of his shaft for several strokes before she slipped the head of his erection into her mouth and he almost came right then without a thought of anything but the joy that was Lucy's mouth on him. She was awkward and he could tell she had never really given a blow job before but the sweet way she handled his dick pleased him like no one else ever had. She took him completely into her mouth and he felt the head of his dick hit the back of her throat and he had to fight for control to keep from coming. She used her hand to fondle his sack and when she drew her hand up his length while she pulled tautly on his head he lost the control he was desperately holding onto. "Lucy," he rasped out. "I'm going to come."_

 _"Then do it," she murmured around the head of his dick and he growled at the pleasure the vibrations created._

 _He thrust into her mouth and came down her throat. He was impressed at how well she handled it and moaned with appreciation when she sucked him dry and licked him clean. "You haven't done that much, have you?" he asked while trying to regain control of himself._

 _He couldn't see her face but he figured she was blushing. "N… no… was it bad?"_

 _He laughed. "Princess that was the best fucking blow job I have ever had in my life," and he wasn't even remotely exaggerating._

 _He tucked himself away and grinned when she snuggled up next to him. It only took a moment before he could hear her gentle breathing against his side. "Lucy," he whispered into the darkness, "I'm keeping you."_

His dick was rock hard as he thought about those first moments and he couldn't help but stroke himself through his pants at the memory of her hot mouth wrapped around his dick. But that wasn't all she had wrapped around him, oh no. She had given all of herself to him before he had fucked it all up by granting his stupid wives an audience. And then he had been cruel, so cruel to her all because he wasn't man enough to admit how he felt about her.

 _"Well fuck me sideways!" he said as he walked up on the scene at the gate. Lucy was more bad ass than he gave her credit for and he was blown away by the sight before him. "I knew it. I knew that you were special Lucy. I just didn't realize that you were talented with more than your mouth and your pussy."_

 _She turned to face him and the look of pure hate on her face gave him pause, but he was Negan after all and she was a mere woman. He couldn't let her go, he wouldn't let her go. "You fucked this guy up baby! I mean look at him! You cut his fucking head in half! I have to say I'm impressed. Even more reason for me to keep you."_

 _"I'm leaving," she said easily without even a moment's hesitation._

 _"I don't think so," was the only response he could give her._

 _"You gave your word."_

 _"No… no… see Eugene back here, who is kind of ticked at you for cutting into his creamy skin like you did, he gave his word since he was pretending to be me. You don't have any kind of promise Lucy baby. Only the promise that I'll take care of you."_

 _She smirked at him and he felt uneasy. "But you gave me your word remember? You gave me your safety guarantee. If I came back with you and gave this place… gave Negan," she spat out, "a chance. Then if I changed my mind I could walk away."_

 _He frowned at her because he knew she was right. But couldn't she see that he had to have her, that she was his and no one else's. "You going back on your promise Negan? On your… honor? I thought that was one of those standards that you should live by right? Always keep your honor."_

 _He glared at her because she had crossed a line with that statement. If it had just been the two of them he could have let her get away with it, but not in front of Arrat and the crowd that was gathering. "You aren't leaving Lucy. It's for your own good."_

 _"Fuck you Negan. You want me for your good. It has nothing to do with protecting me or… loving me. You proved that."_

 _He watched her carefully and was shaken when she threw the "L" word out like that because he had never even thought about those feelings. She just glared at him unwavering in her hatred. But was she angry because he was Negan or because she found him with another woman? He couldn't do anything about being Negan, but he could get rid of all his wives right this moment is she asked him too. He noticed Arrat moving towards Lucy slowly and was going to stop her from doing anything stupid until Lucy whirled around and put a bullet in the woman's left knee. "Damn," he said in appreciation. "You didn't even aim."_

 _"Talented. Special." She spat at him. "Now open the gates and let me walk."_

 _Negan's voice was barely a whisper when he spoke next. "What if I don't want you to go?"_

 _He was begging her in his way. Begging her to stay with him. To love him for who he was and to accept him without fear._

 _But, she laughed. She laughed a deep guttural laugh that made him want to cry out in pain. "You can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one weighs more," she said with a grin. "Now open the fucking gates."_

 _Negan glared at her. "Fine!" he shouted finally losing his temper. "Fine! Fine! Fine! That is just fucking fine! You can take your old wrinkled ass out of here! I enjoyed your mouth that night in the dark when I couldn't see who was sucking my dick, but I had to imagine some incredible things to get off when I was fucking you Lucy!"_

 _He knew it was a low blow and she wavered for a moment as his words stung at her insecurities. He could have left well enough alone and begged her to stay, but no, not him. He had to finish her off. "You were so cock hungry, so lonely, that you didn't really care who I thought of when I fucked you. Did you Lucy? Why would I want to fuck some saggy tit chick when I have prime, grade A ass upstairs that will do whatever I want? That's why you want to leave isn't it bitch? You saw me fucking Ginger and you figured out that I never really wanted you!"_

 _He laughed, but it sounded hollow why was he such a prick? "Come on Lucy baby. Stay," and he should have left it at that but when she frowned at him again he couldn't keep the comment to himself. "I'll keep pretending your someone else but I'll make you feel good when I fuck you."_

 _He wanted to fall on his knees in front of her and beg her to stay with him. Tell her he was just a giant prick who hadn't meant a word that he had just said and he was using her own insecurity against her. Promise her they would leave this place and he would be hers and she would be his and no one would ever come between them. But he couldn't do it. It wasn't in him to fall on his face like that before anyone or anything._

 _He heard her snort and when he met her eyes he saw the sadness there and he knew it was his fault. She surprised him with her next statement though. "Pretend it wasn't real Negan. Pretend you don't have feelings, but I know better. Now open the fucking gate!"_

 _He sighed in defeat. "Open the gate Dwight."_

 _Dwight didn't question. He moved quickly to the pulley system and opened the gate just enough that Lucy could squeeze through. "Hey Lucy!" Negan shouted at her as she sprinted away from the compound because he just couldn't leave well enough alone. "I hope you turn!"_

He threw his whiskey glass against the wall. "I hope you turn," he muttered to the empty room. "Some kind of fucked up guy you are dumbass."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Mind Games

Lucy sat on the floor of the jail cell on a blanket with Judith, Carl, and Enid. Someone had found a little rag doll on one of their runs and it had been an instant hit with Judith. "Baby," Judith said sweetly and showed the doll to Lucy.

"Such a sweet baby," Lucy said nodding at the doll.

"Rock baby?"

Lucy took the doll from Judith and gently began to rock it back and forth. "Sing!" Judith demanded standing up from the blanket and stomping her foot.

"What song?" Lucy asked.

Judith pointed at Carl. "Sun Car! Sing Sun!"

Carl laughed and began to sing the chorus to "You are my sunshine" while Lucy rocked the baby doll in her arms. When he was finished Judith clapped her hands and demanded her doll back from Lucy. "Mine!" she said hugging the doll close to her.

"Your baby," Lucy cooed at her.

The door above them opened and the sound of heavy boots on the stairs made them all stand up with Enid placing Judith on her hip and standing behind Lucy and Carl. Rick appeared with Toban and Carol close behind him. "Get out Carl," he said harshly.

"Dad? What's…?"

"Carl leave. Take Enid and Judith back to the house. No questions."

Carl glanced at Lucy who was staring at Rick with just a slight air of fear. When he didn't make a move to leave the room Rick growled. "Now Carl!" he barked which made Judith whimper.

Carl grunted in displeasure but took Enid by the hand and exited the jail cell.

Lucy stood quietly waiting. She wasn't sure what was going on but Rick was angry. They stood in silence for several minutes before Rick finally spoke. "We took you in," he said with a glare.

"By force," Lucy mumbled.

Rick ignored her. "I know it hasn't been the best treatment in the world while you've been here, but I thought you were okay with how things were going."

Lucy squinted at him. "What's going on Rick?"

"Did you do it when we let you go to the orchard? Huh? We thought we could trust you!"

"What's going on Rick?" she asked again.

"Did you send them a message or something? Why would you do that? Why would you put us in danger like that Lucy?"

"What's going on Rick?" she shouted at him!

Rick drug his hand down his face. "They know you're here Lucy. He knows you're here."

Lucy's heart went wild. She could hear it pounding in her head. Her body became numb. He knew. He knew. "I… I…. I have to go, now! I have to get out of here before he comes Rick!"

"It's no use Lucy," Carol said softly.

"But… but if he comes… he'll kill you for helping me," Lucy whispered. The phrase "he knew" kept running through her mind. "How did he know?"

"Not if we turn you over to him first," Carol said.

"Carol," Rick hissed.

Lucy felt cold. "Turn me over?" she whispered suddenly overwhelmed with dread.

"I… I don't want to," Rick said. "But like you said he'll kill us if we don't."

Lucy was frozen in place. She couldn't go back. What would he do to her if she went back? He wouldn't just kill her. That would be far too simple. There had to be a solution. There had to be a way out of this problem. "Think Lucy," she mentally chastised herself. "What if… what if we got a… a walker that looks like me and you took that to him?" she said.

"Won't work," Rick said. "We tried that with Gregory and when Negan found out there was hell to pay. We lost two people because of it and I almost lost Carl."

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she steeled herself to hold them back. "Think Lucy," she thought again. "There is a solution."

"I… I have a suggestion," Toban said.

Lucy had forgotten he was even there and his speaking brought her out of the depths of her brain. "What if… what if we built an attack against the sanctuary? What if we took Negan out?" he said slowly.

"We'd all die Toban," Carol said. "And he would still end up with her."

Lucy was still frozen in place. Her mind was racing a million miles a minute. She couldn't go back, but she couldn't let these people die either. Pictures of Maggie and Michonne, Carl, Judith, and Enid, flashed in the front of her mind. She couldn't let him have these people. She couldn't let him hurt these people. But she couldn't let him have her either.

"Would it be so bad Lucy?" a little voice in her head said. "Would it really be so bad to go back to him? To be with him?"

"You're a fool if you think he loves you," another voice said. "If you go back he will just use you for his own needs and then kill you when he's through."

"But you know he has feelings for you Lucy," the first voice reasoned. "All of that nonsense before you left was because he was afraid and had to put on a show for his people."

"All of that was who he truly is Lucy," the second voice said. "You knew he was a monster before you knew he was Negan, you just couldn't let yourself see it that way."

"But you're in love with him."

The second voice snorted. "Love is not always a good thing Lucy."

"Love is the greatest thing of all."

The second voice snorted again. "Love is what destroys people."

"How do you know that?" the first voice asked. "You can't base past experiences on this one."

"They are all the same," the second voice said with anger. "They are all manipulative bastards that only want one thing from you."

"Oh?" the first voice snorted this time. "And what is that?"

"To use you," the second voice said softly.

"Lucy?" a voice outside of her head said. "Lucy did you hear me?"

She blinked and realized she had been just staring into space the entire time her inner monologue was going on and that Rick had been speaking to her. She stared at him for several moments before another thought entered her head. "How does he know?" she asked.

"What?" Rick said drawing back from her.

"How does he know that I'm here? Have you seen him? Did he tell you that?"

Rick didn't speak but glanced back at Carol and Toban. "They only ever want one thing," she muttered out loud.

"What?" Carol said sharply.

"You just want to use me," Lucy replied crossing her arms over her chest. "You just want to scare me so that I will help you access the sanctuary."

Rick's face was suddenly very stoic. "Why do you say that Lucy?"

"Because there is no way he knows that I'm here. If he did he would have already taken the gate down and searched this place high and low for me."

"Think pretty highly of yourself don't you Lucy," Carol said snarkily.

"I know my value," Lucy replied with menace. "You three are playing a dangerous game."

Rick drug his hand down his face before he spoke again. "Alright. Cards are on the table. We play it clean from here right?"

Lucy crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him with anger. "Not that I trust you Rick but sure. Play it straight."

"Simon suspects you're here. They will be back. We wanted to attack first but I can understand why you don't want to give us the information we want."

Lucy eyed him carefully. "And?"

"When Simon comes in a week or so he is going to bring Negan with him. We need something Lucy. Something that we can use against him. Something that will indebt him to us instead of the other way around."

Lucy nodded. "Give me time."

"You've had time!" Carol yelled. "You've had all the damn time in the world and we are sitting ducks harboring a crazy woman!"

"Takes one to know one," Lucy said with a laugh which left Carol speechless.

Carol glared at her. "I'm not dying for you," she said before she stomped back up the stairs with Toban close on her heels.

Lucy glared at Rick. "Why the mind games Rick? This isn't like you."

"Bad decision," Rick said with a nod. "Carol thought it was a good idea and I went along with it because I didn't see the harm."

"Except that I already didn't trust you and now the few steps we have made in the direction of trust have been destroyed."

"You'll never trust me Lucy," Rick said with a frown. "And that's ok. The last person you trusted used you and left you in this situation."

"Technically I left him," she mumbled.

Rick nodded. "Come on back up," he said turning away from her and moving towards the steps. "You aren't staying down here."

"Does Michonne know anything about this plan?" she asked and he froze. "I'll take that as a no."

He glanced at her over his shoulder. "Tell her if you have to, but I wish you wouldn't."

Lucy shook her head. "Secrets only get people in trouble. I'm a prime example."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 What's with the hat?

Lucy followed Rick up the stairs and was only a little surprised to find Carl waiting for her. He watched Rick closely but didn't speak and it was only when his father had patted him on the shoulder and moved on down the street that he acknowledged Lucy. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing. Your father just had a really bad idea."

Carl watched her, but didn't say anything else. "I'm sure there is some work we need to be doing instead of standing around here staring at each other Carl. What needs to be done?"

Carl shrugged his shoulders. "We could go to the fishing pond. I think our stores of dried perch are getting low."

"Who's keeping up with all of that since… since your storekeeper died?"

"You mean since Negan had one of his people shoot her in the head while she stood right next to me?"

Lucy grimaced but nodded her agreement. "Gabriel has been doing a lot of that work because he is good with numbers and stuff."

"Do we have fishing equipment?"

"Sure do," Carl said with a grin.

It was a little over an hour later that Carl and Lucy were seated along the banks of the little fishing pond with their rods propped up just waiting for a nibble. "I've suddenly remembered why I never liked fishing," Lucy muttered with a yawn. "It's boring as hell."

"Something tells me that hell is anything other than boring Lucy."

She chuckled at his statement. "You are probably correct because we are living in hell on earth and it is not boring in the least."

"What did you do? I mean before all of this happened."

Lucy smiled slightly. "I was a family nurse practitioner but I spent most of my time in the emergency room so that was really my focus. I assume you were a student?"

"Ha, yeah. What I wouldn't give to be back in Ms. Norris' homeroom some mornings?"

Lucy chuckled. "How old are you Carl?"

"Sixteen, I'll be seventeen soon but it's not like we celebrate birthdays anymore."

"So you would have been a sophomore or junior in high school right now huh?"

Carl nodded. "I probably would have been failing math."

"Nah. English maybe, but not math. I see you as a great math student," Carl grinned at her statement. "I probably would have been working eighteen hour shifts in the emergency room and going home to an empty house."

"You didn't have a boyfriend or anything?" Carl asked.

"Didn't have time."

"How old are you Lucy?"

"Carl it is impolite to ask a woman how old she is, don't you know that?"

Carl looked ashamed for a moment which made Lucy giggle. "I'm twenty eight at last count Carl Grimes."

Carl glanced at her. "Twelve years older than me," he said quietly. "Not too bad of an age difference."

"For what?" she asked not really paying him any attention.

Which was why she was so shocked when Carl reached over and took her hand in his. "Carl? What are you doing?"

Warning bells were going off in her head, but she pushed them away. If Carl was making a move on her it was because he was a mixed up kid in a cruel world and she had to help him understand what he was feeling. "I… I like you Lucy. I know I told you that you remind me of my mother, but I… I feel differently about you now."

"Carl…"

"The world is different now Lucy! People might look at us funny but they would understand!"

Lucy took in a deep breath. "Understand what Carl?"

"Understand us! That we are together. We could be together. I could help take care of you and keep you safe from Negan."

"Carl…"

"I know you told Michonne that you were in love with him, but it's not possible. He's evil and you don't really love him, you were just lonely."

"Carl," she said firmly. "Hush and listen to me. I love you Carl."

"I knew it!"

"Carl, no, not like that. I love you as a friend and as a child that needs the love of a mother."

"Oh," he said with a frown.

"You are an amazing young man and I enjoy spending time with you and I can appreciate that your hormones have driven you to be attracted to me, but I think that is as much lack of options as anything else. I don't know how I feel truly about Negan and it may have been out of loneliness that I did what I did, but I'm not lonely anymore. You and I are supposed to be good friends that comfort each other and care for each other like friends do. Plus, you have Enid and I think if I were to take you away from her she would skin me alive."

Carl shrugged and she hurt at the line of tears she saw him holding back in his one good eye. "You know it's true! That girl is head over heels in love with you and if you were to leave her for me… well you wouldn't have me for long because she would skin me and feed me to those damn walkers."

Carl laughed at that statement. "You really think she loves me?"

"I know she does."

"Lucy?"

"Yes Carl?"

"If you're still single by the time I turn twenty I'm marrying you."

She laughed. "That's only four years Carl. Really probably three since your birthday is soon! Let's make it twenty five and if you want my thirty-seven year old ass then you can have me, deal?"

"Deal!"

"Carl?"

"Yes Lucy?"

"If we do get married, in eight years or so, you'll have to give up that stupid hat."

Carl gasped. "That's it, I call our relationship off. I can't marry someone, eight years from now, that doesn't appreciate my hat."

"What is so special about that hat?"

"It was my dad's patrolman hat."

Lucy frowned, but didn't speak so Carl continued. "He gave it to me when he told me I was going to have to grow up and give up the kid stuff. I've worn it ever sense."

"But why?"

Carl shrugged. "It makes me feel safe."

Lucy smiled. "That's a feeling every one of us needs Carl."

Suddenly the cork attached to Carl's fishing rod began to bob up and down in the water. "I'm getting a nibble," he said with excitement.

"Finally!" Lucy sighed. "If we can catch some fish then we can leave this boring place and find something more entertaining to do."

Carl laughed. "Come on Lucy it could be worse."

Lucy nodded. "Yes it could be Carl."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 Tell me about the eyes

The days were passing quickly and the approach of Negan's next visit to Alexandria hung over Lucy's head. She debated daily about turning herself over to him and just letting herself go in order to keep these friendly strangers safe, but at the same time she wasn't willing to sacrifice herself to whatever he would want to do with her. She also reasoned that giving herself over to Negan might not save any of the people in Alexandria after all. If she believed all that she had heard and seen then Negan was the kind of man that punished regardless.

She still wondered why she hadn't been able to see the real him in the process of their journey together. All the clues had been there from the start. "You didn't want to know," a little voice said in her head. "You wanted to be with him and it didn't matter that he was a murderer."

 _"Why is every other word a curse word with you Coach?"_

 _"I like to think of them as sentence enhancers Lucy. Now where the fuck are you from?"_

 _She stopped and glared at him. "Nowhere and everywhere. Where are you from Coach?"_

 _He pursed his lips before he grinned at her. "I'm from a place called The Sanctuary. Have you heard of it?"_

 _Lucy stepped back from him. "You can head back there then."_

 _"Why don't you come with me? It's a pretty nice fucking place."_

 _"That is run by a madman who lets others do the dirty work while he reaps the rewards," she stated before she started walking again._

 _"So I see you have heard of it then Lucy. Like I said it's a pretty nice fucking place. Especially when you compare it to shit holes like The Haven."_

 _"Look Coach, I don't do well trapped in walls. I never have and I sure won't do well taking orders from a mad man."_

 _"You've said that twice now. Who is this mad man you speak of? I don't know about any fucking mad man at The Sanctuary."_

 _Lucy wrinkled her nose and he smirked. "You're cute when you do that."_

 _"What?"_

 _"Wrinkle your nose."_

 _"Oh shut up Coach."_

 _"Not until you tell me about this 'mad man' at The Sanctuary. Never heard of anybody like that around there."_

 _"Well… it could just be gossip or… horror stories to keep people away, but I'm not willing to take the chance. Head on back if you want too. It's gonna be hard out here if you are used to that comfort, but you'll be back soon enough."_

 _"What's his name?"_

 _"Who?"_

 _"The leader of The Sanctuary. The fucker that you seem to be so afraid of. What's his name?"_

 _She snorted. "I've… heard his name is Negan. But all of his followers call themselves that so I don't know if it's his real name or not."_

 _"What makes him such a bad guy?"_

 _"From what I've heard he just sits up in his lofty little pent house in The Sanctuary surrounded by a bunch of women and he gives orders to this followers to take over other communities. But I've never been there and I don't plan on going to see about the truth."_

 _"We aren't too far from there you know."_

 _"Don't care."_

 _"It's only about 3 days' worth of walking. And of course we might come across someone who could give us a ride and make the journey easier on us."_

 _"I'm not going to The Sanctuary Coach."_

 _"Humor me Lucy. Maybe Negan isn't as bad as you think. Maybe The Sanctuary is a nice fucking place where someone like you would be welcomed and appreciated."_

 _Lucy glared at him and shifted her back pack. "We'll walk in the same direction, but I'm not going to that place with you. I'd rather not take my chances with the rumor of Negan."_

 _"Any other communities that you've heard shit about?" he asked starting to walk down the road slightly ahead of her._

 _"Yeah, some place called Alexandria. It's supposedly led by a cop from the previous life who doles out punishment like its nothing. He and Negan are made for each other apparently."_

 _"Where do you get this shit from?" Negan asked glancing over his shoulder._

 _"People talk. I listen. Most of the time they don't know I'm there."_

 _"Bloody fucking brilliant."_

 _"Do you think you could clean up your language a little bit? I mean I know I don't look like much but I am a woman and it's kind of rude to talk like that in front of me."_

 _"Excuse me princess, I'll watch the fucking curse words when I'm in your presence."_

 _She snorted, but followed him along the road._

Lucy stopped in front of the kitchen sink and turned on the water. She needed to wash the handful of dishes that were sitting in the sink before she moved on to another task.

"I need to show you something," Michonne said walking up behind her.

Lucy nodded and turned the water off. "You aren't leading me off to kill me are you? It's cool if you are, but I just want to be prepared you know."

Michonne grinned at her. "Lucy I'm not going to kill you. I've had plenty of opportunities and I havne't done anything yet right?"

Lucy nodded and dried her hands. "Just making sure."

Lucy grabbed her machete and followed Michonne out of the gates of Alexandria. They strolled quietly along the fence line until they came up on a patch of dirt that was still damp and muddy from a recent rain. "Take a look," Michonne said pointing at the dirt.

Lucy stepped forward and frowned. In the middle of the dirt patch were two perfect foot prints. "What does this mean?" Lucy asked.

"I'm not a detective, but the foot prints are perfect which would mean to me that someone stood there for a long time. There's a hole in the fence that I'm betting someone was watching us through."

"Who?"

"Not sure. Have you had any contact with Negan's group? Be honest with me Lucy."

Lucy frowned. "No Michonne. I've only been around here. Why would you think I had been around someone from the Sanctuary?"

"Just gathering clues."

"Think we should stay out here a while and watch the spot? We could hide out in the trees over there and just keep watch for a little while. They may come back."

Michonne nodded. "That's why I brought you. I thought you might could help me identify who was standing here for so long."

Lucy followed Michonne to a group of trees where she expected to find a bottle of water or something that indicated they would be hanging out for a little while. She did not, however, expect to find a bald man bound and gagged beneath one of the trees. "Do you know this man?" Michonne asked.

Lucy swallowed hard before she nodded. "His name is Thomas. He was supposed to watch over me when I was at the Sanctuary."

 _"I need… to um… show you something, without your lady friend," Negan had said._

 _Coach nodded. "Right, um, Thomas!"_

 _A lanky, bald man moved through the crowd towards them. "Thomas," Coach said. "This is Lucy and she is very fucking special to me, do you understand?"_

 _"Yes sir," Thomas said hoarsely._

 _"I need you to watch over her for a few minutes while I take care of some… business."_

 _"Yes sir," Thomas said quickly._

 _Coach turned to face her. "Lucy stick with Thomas and you'll be fine. I'll be back as quick as I can and we'll go look at the gardens."_

 _He gave her a quick kiss and followed Negan out of the large space. "Ms.?" Thomas said. "Can I ge… get you something to drink?"_

 _She watched him carefully and noticed that everyone in the room was staring at her. "No, thank you Thomas. Everyone looks so busy, is there something I can help out with?"_

 _"Oh… no, no ma'am. His ladies don't help. They are strictly here to please him. I'll… I'll be happy to get you anything you need."_

 _"His ladies? Thomas, I think there's been a mistake. Who exactly are you talking about?"_

 _"Thomas!" a female voice shouted. "Why don't you show Lucy where we sort the canned goods we find?"_

 _The woman approached them carefully. "I'm Arrat, we haven't met officially."_

 _"Well, hello then," Lucy said cautiously._

 _"Come on Thomas, I'll walk with the two of you. I know there is a lot to take in around here Lucy, but you'll get the hang of it in time."_

 _"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I'm not sure how long I'll be here Arrat."_

Michonne pulled a walkie talkie out of her bag and signaled for someone inside of Alexandria to join them and help drag the unconscious man back into the town. "What do you think he's doing here Lucy?"

Lucy swallowed hard again. "I hope he's just look for refuge, but I bet he is looking for me."

They placed Thomas in the jail cell and locked the door tightly. Rick wanted to interrogate him when he woke up and he wanted Lucy to be present. "You'll stay on the stairs where he can't see you and just listen. I'll bring you down if I need you for his cooperation."

It was almost two days later when Toban came to get Rick from the curing shed. Michonne had bagged a couple of deer with a homemade bow and arrow set and the meet was being cured for the group. Rick had become very good at the task which was why he was in the shed. "He's awake," was all Toban had to say before Rick took off running towards the jail cell.

"Go get Lucy, have her sit on the stairs and listen," Rick shouted at Toban over his shoulder.

The old man sitting in the cell was pale and no one had bothered to wipe the blood off his head where Michonne had hit him. He glanced up when Rick walked in but didn't speak. "Who are you?" Rick asked.

The man sighed. "My name is Thomas."

"And why are you here Thomas?"

"Just kill me mister and get it over with, he's going to kill me anyway because I got caught."

"Who?"

Thomas didn't answer. "Who?" this time Rick shouted the question making the old man jump.

"Negan."

Rick stood silently for a moment. "You… you're one of Negan's people."

Thomas nodded his affirmation."

"Why are you here? Why were you hiding in the woods instead of knocking at the gate?"

"Just kill me mister."

"Thomas?" Lucy said from the stairs. "Why are you here? Did he send you?"

"Lucy?" Thomas asked while pushing himself up from the floor. "Is that you?"

"Why are you here Thomas?"

The man started to cry. "He… he'll kill me Lucy. You know he will."

Rick turned to face her with a deep scowl on his face. "Now I have to kill him," Rick said in anger.

"I'd… I'd much prefer you do it mister than him. I think you'll do things quicker."

"You talking about Negan?" Rick asked and Thomas nodded.

"He'll… he'll ba… bash my head in mis… mister. He… he don't give se… second chances."

Rick glared at Thomas before wheeling around on Lucy. "Get what you can out of him and then he'll stay locked down here until we decide what to do about his intrusion."

Rick stormed up the stairs and Lucy frowned. "Why are you here Thomas?"

Thomas mirrored her frown. "It… it's not ju… just me Lucy. Si… Simon thought you… you were here and Ne… Negan sent six of us to... to watch the woods."

"Did you let yourself get caught?"

Thomas frowned deeper before he nodded. "I… I'm tired Lucy. Ti… tired of living in… in fear. I'm… I'm so tired."

Lucy nodded. "Are the others still out there?"

Thomas nodded a positive response.

"Do they all know I'm here?"

Thomas shook his head no. "On… only me."

"Good."

Lucy sighed and was suddenly very tired herself. "Get comfortable Thomas. You're going to be here a little while. When were you supposed to report back to him?"

"W… we meet him… him whe… when he comes to collect. No… no date yet."

Lucy nodded. "I'll make sure you are taken care of Thomas. They won't kill you and don't let Rick terrorize you ok?"

Thomas nodded. "He… he's sc… scary."

Lucy nodded. "I sure know how to pick them don't I Thomas."

Thomas smirked. "He… he we… went crazy af… after you left. He ki… kicked out the wi… wives and se… sent out search parties."

Lucy shook her head. "He kicked out his wives huh?"

Thomas nodded. "I just hate that for them," Lucy said pursing her lips together.

She left Thomas alone and had a lot to think about but she knew Rick would want answers. He was waiting for her just outside the door that led down to the jail cell. "Well?" he asked.

"There were six of them total. Thomas is the only one who knows I'm here. The others are still out in the woods watching and they are supposed to meet Negan when he comes to collect, but they didn't have a specific date yet."

Rick nodded. "You'll have to stay in the house. Preferably the one at the back of the property."

She pulled the hood of her shirt back over her head and face and took Carl's hand. They walked side by side without speaking back to the house she had been in earlier with Maggie. "Want me to stay?" Carl asked.

Lucy shook her head. "I need a little time alone."

Carl nodded. "I'll bring some food back in a little while."

"Thanks Carl."

When she was alone Lucy sunk to the floor and held her head in her hands. How could she be thrilled to know that Negan had gotten rid of his wives? How could she feel excited or even think that he had disposed of them because of her?

"You are such a damn fool," Lucy said out loud. "He probably just wore them out and is moving on to the next set of young things."

Lucy stretched out on the sofa that was left in the house and closed her eyes. She knew she would dream about him.

 _"Lucy?"_

 _There wasn't an answer. "Lucy baby I'm home!"_

 _"Back here," Lucy shouted from somewhere in the house._

 _"What are you up too?" he said with amusement._

 _"Why don't you come back here and see Coach Negan?" she said seductively._

 _He followed the sound of her voice to their master bedroom and stood in the doorway in awe of his wife. "Hot fucking damn," he whispered._

 _"I take it you like," Lucy whispered with a wink in his direction._

 _She was dressed in a red and white cheerleader uniform that hit her about mid-thigh. Her hair was pulled up in a high pony tail and to complete the fantasy she had on white tennis shoes and a red and white pom pom painted on her cheek. "So Coach Negan," she said winking at him again. "You've just won the big game against whatever stupid school you worry about beating. I think you deserve a reward for all your hard work."_

 _Negan leaned against the door frame and stuck his hands in his khaki short pockets. "Is it wrong that this is so fucking hot to me right now?" he asked._

 _"That's the point, Coach," she said suggestively. "I want to get you all hot and bothered and then use you for my pleasure."_

 _"Is that so?"_

 _"Whoops," she said with fake shock. "I think I forgot my panties Coach Negan. Do you think I can still cheer?"_

 _He grinned at her and decided to play along. "Well young lady I don't know that I want you distracting the players with what I'm sure is such a pretty pussy. Why don't you give me a private show instead? I could use a little cheering."_

 _"I thought you'd never ask," she said flipping her skirt up to show him her bare ass._

 _Negan tackled her then and roughly joined her on the bed. "I love you Lucy. Have I told you that lately? I love you so fucking much."_

 _"I love you too Negan. I love you too."_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 Who's the redneck?

"Why you letting her stay?"

"Not now Daryl."

"What the hell Rick? She ain't gonna do nothing but bring hell down on us and ruin what little good we've got! Is that what you want?"

Lucy stood at the window watching Rick and the man named Daryl fight in front of her newly appointed house. Michonne moved next to her and gently touched her shoulder. "Don't worry about it Lucy. He'll come around."

"I don't want anyone fighting over me. I don't want anyone upset over me."

"No one is upset. Daryl's just being a dick."

"Who is this redneck anyway? I only remember seeing him one other time."

"Are you really calling him a redneck?" Michonne asked slightly offended.

"I have a feeling he would take it as a compliment not a derogatory term. Besides the rednecks were the only ones really prepared for the shit to hit the fan."

Michonne twisted her nose up but didn't say anything else.

The fight raged on for several more minutes before Daryl finally stormed off and Rick threw his hands up in the air before climbing the stairs to the front porch and walking in the door.

"So what's the verdict?" Lucy asked Rick with a smirk.

"He wants you gone," Rick said with a sigh. "He thinks that what little bit of ground we've made with Negan will end once he finds you here."

"You've made ground with him?" Lucy asked comically. "I was under the impression that you tried to kill him and the only reason you guys aren't dead is because of a damn tiger."

Rick snorted. "It just means that we've come to a mutual agreement. Negan doesn't mess with us and we don't mess with him. Of course, given the opportunity either one of us would kill each other and not bat an eye."

"So it's not a truce, but a cease fire until one of you gets the upper hand."

Rick nodded. "Which we want you to help us with Lucy."

Lucy nodded. "So he's mad because I won't tell you what I know about the Sanctuary."

Rick nodded again. "That and some other things."

Lucy frowned. "Does he know about the people from the Sanctuary? Does he know about Thomas?"

Ricks lips became a thin line. "No, and I wasn't planning on telling him until it became necessary."

Lucy nodded, but didn't speak again.

Daryl was crouched down next to his motorcycle when Lucy approached him. "Can we talk?" she asked.

"What the hell we got to talk about?"

"Daryl, it is Daryl right?"

Daryl grunted at her but didn't speak.

"I know you don't like me being here and that you think I should have told Rick what I know about Negan a long time ago."

Daryl stood from his squatted position and wiped the wrench he was working with off on his blue jeans. "What the fuck do you know about what I think lady?"

Lucy crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not a bad person."

Daryl chuckled. "Yeah you are. Anyone who has lived this long is a bad person."

"Including you?"

"Yeah."

Lucy swallowed hard. "It's a big place, the Sanctuary I mean. I… I didn't get to see much of it because I stayed in our room. He only took me outside two or three times and most of the time I had an escort."

Daryl didn't say anything so she kept talking. "It's like a grain factory or something. Only one way in now because they sealed off the other entrances. There are… walkers… mounted to the fence and in the yard around the building."

Daryl suddenly threw the wrench he had been holding at the wall of a nearby house where it hit with a loud thud and clattered to the ground. "You don't think I know that you dumb bitch!"

Lucy stepped back from him, suddenly nervous about being around him. "You don't think I know about the walkers and the yard!" he screamed at her. "While you were shacked up in a nice clean apartment fucking Negan I was locked in a dark closet eating dog food and wrangling walkers!"

"What is your problem?" Lucy shouted at him suddenly angry and finding her gumption. "What the hell have I done to you?"

"You are such a dumb bitch," Daryl said before spitting on the ground. "You don't think he's a monster."

Lucy gasped. "Wh… why would you say that?"

"Because I see you lady. I see how you day dream about him and how when his name is mentioned you shy away from the ugly truth about what he is and how he uses and abuses people."

Lucy's mouth flopped open to respond but Daryl cut her off. "You bought the act. You bought into the trick and let him pull the wool over your eyes. I know you think we are just as bad as he is, but I promise you we ain't. We are family. All of us, except you. You are the intruder. The trespasser who needs to get as far away from here as possible."

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because when the time comes to kill him," Daryl whispered back. "You are going to try and stop us and get yourself killed in the process."

Lucy swallowed. "I… I know what kind of monster he is Daryl. I know he's not a good man."

Daryl looked up at her and glared. "Then why the fuck are you day dreaming about him."

"I don't…"

"Oh hell Lucy! I see it! I see it in your eyes that you dream about some picture perfect life with him that just ain't real. Get your shit together girl and get over him. Better yet get your shit together and get out of here. We've lost too much to him and when you go back to him, it's going to hurt so much more."

Lucy bit her cheek to keep the tears from flowing. She didn't know why in the hell she was so emotional lately, but she had to get away from him because he wasn't going to see her cry.

Back in her little house Lucy leaned against the door frame and grimaced. Was she really romanticizing the man that Negan was? "Yes," she whispered into the empty house.

 _"Did she like the apples?" she heard the guy with the scarred face say._

 _"Sh… she didn't want to ta… take them at first. She… she asked me to play cards wi… with her. She's lonely," she heard Thomas reply._

 _"He won't like that one bit," the scar face replied. "What did you tell her?"_

 _"Tha… that I nee… need to ask Negan first."_

 _"Did you call him Negan?" scar face said in a hissing voice that was obviously filled with anger._

 _"N… No, Dwight."_

 _"Good, we have to be careful. At least until he's ready to tell her the truth."_

 _She heard scar face sigh and Thomas coughed. "Sh… she's lo… lonely," Thomas said. "Sh… she nee… needs a friend."_

 _"I'll ask him ok. I don't know if he'll care or not but I'm not taking any chances."_

 _"Wh… where is he?"_

 _"His place. Some of the wives were getting pissy because he hasn't been paying them attention," Dwight said with a cough. "Not a problem I would wish on my worst enemy."_

 _"Is… is h… he going to te… tell her?"_

 _Dwight laughed. "Not now. Don't know if he will or not eventually, but I think he's trying to get her in so deep she can't leave when she finds out who he really is."_

 _Tears filled Lucy's eyes as she sprinted back to their little apartment. She made it inside and to the little bathroom before she vomited in the toilet. She had the wherewithal to close and lock the bathroom door before she lay down on the cool tile of the bathroom floor. "Rule number one," she murmured against the tile. "Do not trust anyone. Of all the rules this one is the most important."_

"It's hard to pretend when it's staring you in the face," she whispered into the darkening room.


End file.
